Talking to Preschoolers about Money

"What is that man doing, Mom?" "What does he want?" "Can we give him money?" "Is he a bad guy?" "Is he poor?" "Should we buy him a house?"

The questions came from the car seats behind me, a steady stream of heartfelt concern and curiosity. Inviting the Holy Spirit into our conversation, I fielded their questions the best I could–imperfectly.

I deeply desire to raise daughters (and soon a son!) who are generous and wise stewards of money. I want to give them a realistic view of the world, not one that breeds entitlement or pursuit of excess. But where in the world do you start? I know these are only the beginning of bigger, harder questions. And, candidly, my relationship with money and materialism is not always the best model for them to follow.

Several months ago, David and I were invited to participate in a discussion about how to talk to our children about generosity and giving hosted by the National Christian Foundation (NCF). That evening was thought provoking and encouraged David to dig deeper into the topic. So when a friend from NCF recommended the book The Opposite of Spoiled by Ron Lieber, I put it on my list immediately. While it's not actually a Christian book, I found it to be a helpful resources as David and I continue to process how to talk to our children about money and biblical stewardship.

David and I have already decided we want to circle back to many of the concepts in Lieber’s book when our kids are older (book club in 2024, anyone?), but here are a few takeaways for our current stage of parenting two inquisitive preschoolers: 

• It’s OK to talk about money. Jesus didn't shy away from the subject. As many as 2,350 verses in the bible speak about the topic of money. Why should it be taboo in our homes? One helpful tip Lieber gives is to clarify their questions before you start answering. Simply asking young kids, "Why do you ask?" could save you from sharing more than they are ready to comprehend or handle.

While I want to avoid oversharing, I also want to answer their questions honestly. I’m guilty of brushing off their requests by saying something like, "That costs too much money" or "We cannot afford that,” which may not be entirely accurate. Instead, why not embrace those moments as teaching opportunities?

Rather than skirting their questions, Lieber shares recommendations for how to honestly answer common-but-tough questions kids often ask (think, "Are we rich/poor?" "How much do you make?"). While his tips were excellent, I'd personally infuse a Christian worldview in my answers. For example, I’d rather explain why buying that “thing” may not be the wisest use of the money God has given us. This brings me to the next takeaway – modeling wise stewardship.

• Introduce the concept of wise investments early. More than just avoiding raising “spoiled” kids, David and I aspire to raise intelligent, generous stewards. I want our kids to fully understand that all our possessions are a gift from God, especially our finances. As image bearers of God, we are called to contribute, cultivate, and create, not just consume. And even though they are young, my daughter’s time, talents, and piggy bank treasures are tools they can learn to use for good and the flourishing of others, not just themselves.

But they won’t learn that on their own. We have to model it and talk about it.

One way to begin talking about the big concept of "stewardship" is by helping our kids understand spending decisions are all about priorities. Lieber recommends introducing the idea of needs-verse-wants early. For example, instead of saying “maybe next time” or flat out “no” next time they beg for that toy at the store, ask them to evaluate if it is a need or a want. This question (sometimes) diverts the whining and leads to much more productive conversations on the ride home.

I'd also like to start discussing the concept of a "fun-ratio" with our girls. Lieber describes this as teaching kids to think about how many hours of fun can be had per dollar spent on a specific item. For example, $5 on ice cream yields 10 minutes of fun, but $5 on a deck of cards could last for years as long as you don't lose them. This concept can lay a foundation for more significant conversations about saving, investing, and giving when they are a little older.

To a slightly painful degree, I've realized I have plenty of opportunities to model and discuss why I am making my spending decisions. Especially since the spending my kids are usually around for is the discretionary type (Starbucks runs, Target trips, etc.), I’ve been more aware of my own spending priorities and how I can model them better for my girls.

Finally, allowance is also a huge topic mentioned in this book. Giving kids autonomy to spend their own money is one of the best ways to help them learn wise stewardship. While our family is not quite ready to manage allowances, it’s definitely something David and I will revisit in a year or two. If you have older kids, I'd recommend reading that chapter!

• Include them in our generosity discussions. One of my favorite sections of the book was the chapter on generosity. Often, I’ve been swayed by scriptures like Matthew 6:3 where Jesus encourages utmost anonymity when giving to the poor. While there is undoubtedly wisdom in discouraging boastfulness or pride in our giving decisions - how will our children know what generosity looks like if we don’t show them?

David and I typically set aside time quarterly to pray about how to allocate funds between our church, nonprofits, and other causes or individuals we support. We are prayerfully considering how to appropriately include the girls in those discussions as they get older. Lieber recommends using beans or some other tangible item to represent percentages and allow them to help us decide which causes to support.

Another tangible way to include them in generosity decisions is to introduce them to the causes we support through service opportunities. One of the organizations we supported recently was The Human Impact, an organization in Dallas that serves the long-term homeless. I've been incredibly encouraged by their vision to safely include children in their mission to care for the homeless of Dallas through their Little Human Impact initiative. This is something we hope to participate in someday soon.

 The Long Road

Honestly, it overwhelms me to think about making money an open subject in our home, but I agree with Lieber that it’s our job as parents to prepare our kids to be wise spenders, savers, and givers. As a family with preschoolers, I recognize that we are at the very beginning of this journey (one I’m still navigating myself.) But my prayer is that if we start now, when my girls grow out of their car seats and eventually find themselves in the driver’s seat, they will be grounded, generous, and smart about money.

Has the topic of money come up in your house with your little ones? I’d love to know how you are navigating a sometimes sensitive subject. Have you read Lieber's book? What were your takeaways?